What?
- Um, well... - (moans)
- Are you all right? - No.
Pussy... Need pussy...
(begins to snore)
(snorts)
(gagging heard)
(throwing up)
(breathing heavily)
What the fuck are you doing here?
Get out.
(shouts) Get out!
(door slams)
(sniffing)
Man: Joy!
Joy!
Joy! Joy!
I am Vlad, your student.
Hello, Vlad. How are you?
I am fine. How are you?
Oh, fine. Fine.
(broken English) I not believe you.
(begins to sob) Really, Vlad. I'm fine.
I'm sorry... it's just I'm a terrible teacher.
Everyone hates me and I should have never left telephone sales,
because I was really doing a lot more good then.
Where you are go now?
I'm just on my way home.
Tell me where do you live. I take you home.
Oh no, I couldn't.
Joy.
Come in my cab.
- I give you ride. - Vlad, no.
I like walking and the train is nearby.
No. No train. I drive you home.
I live in New Jersey.
- Good. I take you New Jersey. - No, maybe you don't understand.
- New Jersey is far. - Joy, you no understand.
Huh? I driver.
My taxi.
You come. You understand?
You come.
Are you sure you know...?
Vlad knows.
I love New Jersey.
Don't you miss Russia?
Fuck the cunt of Russia.
Well, I guess it's best to feel that way.
Thank you for everything.
That was really very nice of you.
I'm sorry about before...
that was very unlike me.
Do you think you'll need help finding your way back?
Why you not married?
Oh... Vlad.
Our life is so different in America.
Here a woman can, I know this is difficult to understand, but,
a woman can fulfill her potential.
Um...
there are opportunities to do something...
...do good, really improve the world.
Do you like men?
Yes.
But, it's not so simple.
Are you lesbian?
- No. - It's all right.
If you are lesbian.
I like lesbian.
Vlad...
I'm sorry.
But, this conversation has become a bit strange for me.
So thank you for the ride, and...
Well, then, good night...
and um...
I'll see you in...
Would you like to come inside for a cup of tea?
I'll go put the kettle on.
Oh, that's good...
Take your shoes off. Make yourself comfortable.
It's my parents' place.
I plan on moving out soon, though.
- How long you live here? - Since I was born.
I find there are a lot of advantages to not moving.
So...
What did you do in Russia?
- I was thief. - Oh.
You mean the Mafia?
No.
Independent. I steal things on my own.
Although I have many offers.
You are musician?
Oh, no. I just write songs a little.
What kind songs?
I don't know. They're so terrible.
Love songs.
- No. - Play.
Oh, no.
I play.
♪ So many nights ♪
♪ I sit by my window ♪
♪ waiting for someone ♪
♪ to sing me her song ♪
♪ So many dreams ♪
♪ I've kept deep inside me ♪
♪ alone in the dark ♪
♪ but now you've come along ♪
♪ You light up my life ♪
♪ You give me hope ♪
♪ to carry on ♪
♪ You light up my days ♪
♪ and fill all my nights ♪
♪ with song ♪
♪ And you light up my life ♪
♪ You give me hope ♪
♪ to carry on ♪
♪ You light up my days ♪
♪ and fill my nights ♪
♪ with song ♪
♪ It can't be wrong ♪
♪ when it feels so right ♪
♪ 'cause you... ♪
♪ you light up my life. ♪
Okay.
I have to go now.
See you in class tomorrow.
("You Light Up My Life" playing - pickets chanting)
Good morning.
So, how's it going?
Oh, hi, Rhonda.
Your students treating you okay?
Oh, they're just great.
I hate to say this, but,
I told you so. (laughs)
How about you? How's your class?
Oh, my students are such a hoot.
They're always telling me how much they love me.
Actually, if you can keep a secret,
there's this one...
(sighs) Igor...
I've got such a crush on him.
- Oh? - (giggles)
Well, not that I'd ever...
I mean, especially the Russians.
What?
- B.O. - Really?
- Mine seem okay. - You're very lucky.
- Rhonda? - Yeah?
If your Igor...
used deodorant...
(broken English) You teacher Vlad?
Yes.
(screaming)
Oh, my God. That woman was crazy.
Joy, are you okay?
Yeah. I'm fine.
(class bell rings)
Joy...
you didn't...
did you?
- Mom? - Yeah?
There's blood in my BM.
Can I stay home from school today?
- Detective: How do you feel? - Johnny: Okay.
Are you sure?
Yeah. I feel fine.
Maybe a little sore. But...
I'm ready to go back to school.
That's good, Johnny.
Johnny, I have to ask you a few questions. Is that okay?
Yeah.
When did you first start feeling sick?
Yesterday.
What happened?
I threw up at my friend's house.
Johnny... he spent the night there.
I thought that he had a little virus.
Did you eat anything unusual, Johnny?
Just a tuna sandwich.
He loves tuna salad.
I see.
Johnny, when did you first notice the blood?
When I went to the bathroom this morning.
Johnny, I have to ask you a question
and it's very important that you be honest, okay?
Uh-huh.
Johnny was there, in the last day or two...
someone who hurt you?
No. I...
I don't think so.
But someone did hurt you? No, Johnny?
No. No one hurt me.
(angrily) What do you mean, no? You've been fucking raped.
I'm sorry.
More potatoes, Bill?
Mmm. No thanks.
I got plenty.
The baby-sitter should be here any minute now.
When does the PTA start?
We've still got about a half an hour.
So, how did school go today?
Okay.
Was Johnny there?
No.
Oh, I sure hope the kids don't catch whatever he's got.
(gagging)
Very funny, Timmy.
Now you're excused and can go right to bed.
- But, mom. - Yep.
Excuse me, Bill.
(telephone rings)
Hello?
Hi, Tawny, is there a problem?
(sighs)
Well, thank you for giving me so much notice.
Well...
Uh-huh...
Yeah, sure, I'm sorry too.
Well maybe you could have thought of that before.
Bye-bye.
Bill, I'm sorry you're going to have to go by yourself tonight.
Isn't there someone else you can get?
No, not at this late hour.
(sighs)
Come on. You're gonna come with me right now and take a bath.
- But I'm not finished. - Yes, you're finished.
- Let's go. - Wait.
My Tamagatchi.
Get your Tamagatchi and let's go.
Come on, mister, up the stairs. Come on.
Timmy, please. Come on.
Dad?
If you and mom died in a plane crash,
would it be all right if I took over?
Well... probably one of your aunts would want to help out.
So, you don't think I'm old enough to take care of myself,
Timmy and Clioe.
Well...
No.
Ronald Farber's parents are away in Europe for a few days,
and Ronald gets to stay home by himself without a baby-sitter.
So why do I need a baby-sitter?
Well, if you want to change Clioe's diapers...
Well, if I didn't have any little brother or sister,
would you let me stay alone by myself for a few days?
Your mom and I are not Mr. and Mrs. Farber.
We worry.
No.
What if I were twelve?
No.
Thirteen?
At thirteen I think you'll be okay.
Can you promise?
As long as you don't look like you're eleven.
I won't.
Okay.
Thirteen then.
Bill: Hello, in Roseland, please.
I'm looking for the address of a resident.
The name is Farber.
11 Angel Court?
Thank you.
- Trish: Hon, is that you? - Yes.
Did you remember the milk?
Yeah.
(television heard)
How was the meeting?
Fine.
Bill, are you all right?
I think I have to lie down.
Oh, shit.
I hope you're not coming down with what Johnny Grasso had.
I don't think so.
I'll be up in a minute.
Dad?
Yeah?
I...
I almost came.
Trish?
(moans)
Do you love me?
Oh, Bill.
- Yes. - No, I mean...
...do you really love me?
No matter what?
No matter what.
Why?
No matter...
...whatever.
Bill, you have me.
You always will.
I'm sick.
Aww, honey.
Take some Tylenol.
You'll feel better tomorrow.
Mona: I met with Steven Zimmer this morning.
- You like him? - Yeah.
I'm gonna use him.
Good. I'm gonna use Marty Blua.
Good.
I feel so much better now.
Well good. It shouldn't take long.
Good night.
- Lenny? - Yeah?
Can you sleep on the living room couch?
Why?
Steven Zimmer thought it would be a good idea.
Okay.
- Diane: Gin and tonic? - Lenny: Okay. Thanks.
God, it's so bright outside,
it gives me a headache just looking out the window.
Yeah, well they say it's gonna rain tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about the fucking weather.
Well it's good for playing golf.
I hate that game. It's so boring.
It passes the time.
I like to travel.
I went to Europe once.
Have you ever been to Tahiti?
No.
How about Tunisia?
- A night in Tunisia? - (laughs) No.
Vincent never liked to travel.
I guess I'm like Vincent.
When I was a child I always imagined that...
I'd marry the man I fell in love with,
have a son and a daughter who loved me
as much as I hated my mother,
then die...
tragically and suddenly. Young and beautiful.
When Vincent left me I imagined I'd finally be happy.
I guess you haven't lost your imagination.
Lenny, I've got to get out of here.
I can't breathe.
The women are pathetic gossips and the men are...
Just pathetic.
I don't want to die here.
You just don't want to die.
Not alone.
Don't...
Don't feel guilty.
I don't.
I don't feel anything.
(telephone rings)
Helen: I have to see you.
(doorbell rings)
Who is it?
Kristina.
I'm sorry about last night.
Yeah. Uh, me, too.
I shouldn't have...
I understand.
I mean-- See, I can...
I can admit it. That I'm fat...
and I'm ugly. (sobs)
- No, no. - Yes.
(sniffs) Yes.
Thank you.
Say...
you wanna go somewhere?
(jukebox playing)
I like you.
I have a confession to make.
What?
Do you remember Pedro's penis?
You mean the one that...
that was...
cut off?
Well, it wasn't really cut off.
What happened to it?
Nothing.
I uh...
(sighs) I don't understand.
Um...
why would you make something like that up?
Was Pedro even killed?
How do you-- how do you know?
I tried so many times to tell you,
but it's hard to, um...
I'd always been very friendly to him.
I try to be that way with all the doormen,
even thought they're usually snickering behind my back.
I don't care. I'm still friendly.
It's just my way.
But, um...
Pedro was different. Pedro never snickered.
Of course, who was he to snicker?
He wasn't exactly Tom Cruise.
Still, he could have,
but he didn't.
So anyway, one night...
I was coming home from the 24-hour Pathmark, it was late.
Good evening, Miss Hope.
Hi, Pedro. Can you help me with these bags?
No problem.
Thank you.
Normally I don't need any help,
but my back hurt because the bags were heavy.
And I had...
a half-gallon of strawberry ice cream...
two boxes of fudge and a key lime pie.
And uh, I just couldn't wait to get home
and get under the covers and watch TV.
But, um...
I was in the elevator when I first got this funny feeling,
like he was...
you know, kind of looking at me funny.
And I thought maybe he was just being friendly too.
I mean, you know,
just um, two friendly people. (chuckles)
Um, would you mind putting those in the kitchen for me?
No problem.
Thanks so much, Pedro.
No problem.
Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Forget about that.
What I'd really like is...
a scoop of your ice cream before I go back down.
Oh sure... please have a seat.
My wife died three years ago.
I feel...
...so lonely.
You are a beautiful woman, Kristina.
You are so beautiful, Kristina.
(muffled screams)
(screams)
And the next thing I know...
...he's inside me,
you know, just pounding away.
Oh, Allen.
- Waitress: All finished? - Allen: Yeah.
Would you like to see a dessert menu?
What kind of ice cream do you have?
Chocolate, vanilla and strawberry.
Umm...
Okay then, I'll have a plain chocolate fudge sundae
with strawberry ice cream. Thank you.
And you, sir?
(sighs) Just the check, please.
So anyway, everything got really quiet,
and then I thought, well okay,
at least the worst part is over.
(breathing heavily)
How do you like it?
Kiss me again.
Kristina: But, that was just an act.
I let him kiss me one last time,
and I grabbed ahold of his neck,
- and I twisted it... - (cracking)
...backward.
- Here you are. - Thank you.
And then I had to cut up his body.
You know, plastic bag, all the parts.
I've been throwing it out gradually ever since.
There's still some left in my freezer.
- So you did cut off his... - No.
I left it attached, I didn't want to touch it again.
(begins sobbing)
I feel so terrible.
You must think I'm a monster.
But what else could I have done?
Anyway, I couldn't help myself.
I hate...
...sex.
I'm sorry, but just the idea of it...
of someone all over...
inside of me.
I know it isn't right...
...but can we still be...
...friends?
Um...
I guess. Yeah.
Uh, I mean...
we all have our...
(sighs) you know...
our pluses...
and minuses.
It was a crime of passion.
I'm a passionate woman.
(sighs)
(rings)
Helen: I've had you on auto-redial all night.
(doorbell rings)
Helen: Hello?
(door squeaks open)
Yes?
I'm the...
I'm...
I'm sorry?
Oh.
Come in.
Please...
have a seat.
Drink?
No. Thanks.
This is not working.
No.
You're not my type.
No.
(doorbell rings)
Can I come in?
(arguing in Russian heard)
(buzzes door)
I'm sorry.
I wanted to...
Here.
Vlad.
(speaking Russian)
Come inside.
Please.
Joy...
Why you are come here?
I came because I wanted to say...
that I was sorry to your wife.
Zhenia is not my wife.
So you're not really married?
Zhenia love me.
It is problem.
She want be my wife, but...
she don't listen.
What can I do?
Come. You want I drive you New Jersey?
- We go shopping. - (glass breaking/baby cries)
- No. I don't think that's... - (shouts in Russian)
Joy.
I must ask you question.
Yes?
I very ashamed.
I'm sure I'll understand.
Good.
Can I borrow money?
It's very important.
- How much? - One thousand dollars.
All right. Five hundred. I need money now.
I... I...
I guess I can go to a cash machine.
Good. I know where is ATM.
- Vlad? - Yes.
Could I first,
have my guitar and my CD player back?
Okay.
It is deal.
Do you think shopping mall in New Jersey is open tonight?
Yeah. Probably.
Here.
I love you.
You love New Jersey.
I give you back Monday.
That's okay.
I um...
I probably won't be there anyway.
Why no?
I don't know.
I think I now have more sympathy for the strikers.
See ya.
Stupid American.
So, Billy...
how was school today?
Okay. Ronald Farber was absent.
Oh?
He was afraid of the math test.
So he stayed home?
Yeah. He cut.
That's terrible. His parents...
Um, they don't know yet. They're still on vacation.
Oh, are they gonna be upset.
Well, Ronald's gonna be pretty upset when he finds out
that the test was canceled.
What happened?
Mrs. Paley was absent also.
(chuckles)
Did you call Ronald and tell him?
Yeah, but, there was no answer.
Was Mrs. Paley sick, then?
Well, everyone said she was too strung out.
Why do people say things like that?
Because she's...
a drug addict.
And how do you know?
Everyone knows.
Well, I didn't know. Did you know, Bill?
No.
Did you hear that, Billy?
Well, it's what everyone says, she's a junkie.
And she's probably gonna get fired.
It's really sad.
Well, if Mrs. Paley turns out, in fact, to be a junkie,
then she should be fired. Don't you think so, Bill?
I don't know.
Don't you think that's...
a little harsh?
I mean, it's not affecting her work.
Well, apparently it is.
No. In fact, I don't think it's a little harsh at all.
I'm sorry, but when it comes to drug abuse and children,
my children,
they should be locked up and throw away the key.
I want you to know, if you ever even think of doing drugs
and end up dying in a hospital,
I'd disown you. That's how strongly I feel about it.
- Trish. - No. I know I may sound harsh,
but I'm talking about our kids.
Not to be grandiose, but this is the future...
the future of our country we're taking about, after all.
(telephone rings)
Hello?
Who's calling, please?
Oh, hi. Sure, hold on.
It's Joe Grasso.
Oh. Great.
Hey, Joe. What's up?
How's Johnny doing?
Joe: You're a dead man. (phone hangs up)
Oh, good.
Good.
No problem.
Right.
Okay. Well, take care.
Bye.
Trish: How's Johnny doing?
Uh...
fine.
- Never better. - Good.
We bought those "Beauty and The Beast" tickets.
I don't think Billy has anyone else.
No. He did cancel...
(doorbell rings)
- Who could that be? - I'll get it.
- Who is it? - Police.
- Can I help you? - Are you William Maplewood?
Yes.
We're sorry to disturb you, but we have some questions
for you and your wife.
It has to do with your son's friend, Johnny Grasso?
Did something...?
Come this way.
Go ahead, please.
Thank you.
Sit, please.
Trish: Who is it?
We were just finishing our dinner.
Umm...
I'll be right back.
(whispers) The police.
You take care of the kids.
Sorry.
Now...
you said something about Ronald Farber?
Excuse me?
I'm sorry, I mean,
I mean, Johnny Grasso?
Mom, I don't want to go.
We'll be right there.
Billy, come on, the bus is here.
Come on. Honey, please, not today.
- Wait! - (Timmy continues to shout)
I'll take you boys myself.
Dad?
Yes, Billy?
Everyone at school is saying things about you.
(sighs)
Who is everyone?
Like, kids, you know. Everyone.
What are they saying?
That... you're...
...a serial rapist.
And a pervert.
You mean, like what they painted on the house?
(nervously) Dad, did you, um...
uh...
with... Johnny Grasso
and Ronald Farber?
Yes.
What... did you do?
I touched them.
What do you mean, exactly, touched?
I fondled them.
What for?
I couldn't help myself.
What else?
I...
I unzipped myself.
You... you mean, masturbated?
No.
Then what?
I...
made love.
What do you mean?
I fucked them.
What was it like?
It was...
it was great.
Would you do it again?
Yes.
Would...
would you ever...
fuck me?
No.
I'd jerk off instead.
(begins sobbing)
Timmy: I don't wanna go. Where are we going?
- Mom, I don't wanna go. - Shh! Just get in the car.
Wait, my Tamagatchi. My Tamagatchi.
So, who used to live here before?
Another couple, the Heller's.
What happened to them?
They got divorced.
Anyway, the police came and looked in her freezer
and found baggies filled with the doorman's genitals.
- I use baggies. - Me, too.
Everyone uses baggies. That's why we can relate to this crime.
- Don't you see? - I can't relate to it.
In any case,
there's this guy I've met, Joy, that I'd think you'd like.
He's in computers, I think.
- How did you meet him? - He's a neighbor of mine.
You want to call him, or should I give him your number?
I'll call him.
That'll be great. I think he'll really like that.
- What about me? - I'm looking. I'm looking.
I like computers.
Trish, trust me on this one.
He's not for you.
And what about me?
I haven't forgotten, mom, it's just...
it's hard.
But, I'm looking for everyone.
Well, don't look for me.
- Have you found somebody? - No. There's no one.
I heard Diane had a stroke.
She'll recover.
Um, well that's good.
Where there's life there's hope.
That's right.
- You bet. - Absolutely.
Yeah.
Could you pass the sweet potatoes, please?
Here.
Did anyone watch Leno last night?
Mona: Timmy. Oh, Timmy.
Timmy, come over and sit on Grandma's lap.
Timmy. Timmy, what?
- Timmy? - (door closes)
What's the matter with Timmy?
His Tamagatchi died.
Tamagatchi?
Helen, so what's gonna happen to that woman
who killed your doorman?
I don't know, mom.
It's so sad.
She's all alone.
I just wish I'd gotten to know her better.
We might have found we had something in common.
Maybe you'll write a poem about her.
(laughs)
Joy, I'm so sorry.
But...
don't worry.
I'm not laughing at you.
I'm laughing with you.
But I'm not laughing.
(breathing heavily)
(breathing rapidly)
Let's make a toast.
- To happiness. - To happiness.
To happiness.
Kookie.
I... I came.
♪ It seems the things I've wanted in my life, I've never had ♪
♪ So it's no surprise that living only leaves me sad ♪
♪ Happiness where are you? I've searched so long for you ♪
♪ Happiness what are you? I haven't got a clue ♪
♪ Happiness why do you have to stay... ♪
♪ so far away... ♪
♪ from me? ♪
♪ When I'm in despair and life has turned into a mess ♪
♪ I know that I don't dare to end my search for happiness ♪
♪ Happiness where are you? I've searched so long for you ♪
♪ Happiness what are you? I haven't got a clue ♪
♪ Happiness why do you have to stay... ♪
♪ so far away... ♪
♪ from me? ♪
♪ Happiness sometimes I think I see you from afar ♪
♪ When I run to catch you though, that's just not where you are ♪
♪ Happiness sometimes I think I see you from afar ♪
♪ When I run to catch you though, that's just not where you are ♪
♪ Happiness you know I'll get a hold of you some way ♪
♪ Till I do you know I'll keep on searching everyday ♪
♪ Happiness where are you? I've searched so long for you ♪
♪ Happiness what are you? I haven't got a clue ♪
♪ Happiness why do you have to stay... ♪
♪ so far away... ♪
♪ from me? ♪
♪ Gonna find it Gonna find it ♪
♪ Gonna find my happiness ♪
♪ Gonna find it Gonna find it ♪
♪ Gonna find my happiness ♪
♪ Gonna find it Gonna find it ♪
♪ Gonna find my happiness ♪
♪ Gonna find it Gonna find it ♪
♪ Gonna find my happiness ♪
♪ When I'm in despair and life has turned into a mess ♪
♪ I know that I don't dare to end my search for happiness ♪
♪ Happiness where are you? I'm gonna get to you ♪
♪ Happiness what are you? I'll know before I'm through ♪
♪ Happiness you know you just can't stay... ♪
♪ so far away... from me ♪
♪ Happiness where are you? I'm gonna get to you ♪
♪ Happiness what are you? I'll know before I'm through ♪
♪ Happiness you know you just can't stay... ♪
♪ so far away... ♪
♪ from me ♪
♪ Happiness where are you? I'm gonna get to you ♪
♪ Happiness what are you? I'll know before I'm through ♪
♪ Happiness where are you? I'm gonna get to you ♪
♪ Happiness what are you? I'll know before I'm through ♪
♪ Happiness where are you? I'm gonna get to you ♪
♪ Happiness what are you? I'll know before I'm through ♪
♪ Happiness where are you? I'm gonna get to you ♪
♪ Happiness what are you? I'll know before I'm through. ♪